Completed Project: Feedback provided on sensitive e-mail

The draft that was received consisted of five bullet points. The recommendations were:

• First point -- no substantive changes recommended
  
• Second point -- this one seems to repeat the next bullet point -- I suggest deleting this one
  
• Third point -- I would reverse the direction of the sentence and reword it slightly, thus: the [product] universes have proven more conducive to the application of [firm name]'s philosophy than has the [other product] universe, and the [products] have achieved attractive track records.
  
• Fourth point -- no substantive changes recommended
  
• Fifth point -- I think it's better to be either general on both of them, "more than 15 and 30 years," or specific on both of them, "15 and 37."
  

   
     In addition, I've put it all in the third person; you could just as easily use first person, but mixing first,
     "we," and third, "[firm name]" is technically wrong, and, more to the point, often awkward. If you want to
     be able to use "[firm name]," which from a marketing/branding standpoint, one generally wishes to do, it's
     better to stick with third person across the board.